the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
