True but thats because hes a fetus.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
