I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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