i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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