im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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