I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
