He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
