i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
she smelled like a LAN party
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
