She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize