ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
