You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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