Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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