yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
