i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
