Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
