i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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