i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
