Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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