He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well