Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.