I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost