honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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