I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
