I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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