Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
