The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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