why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
