Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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