i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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