she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
