It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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