While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
