Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
