I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
