11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize