I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
