I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
