I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
false alarm. still invincible.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
