Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
