Define "chronic" masturbator.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
