I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
