I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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