Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
