When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
