Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
