I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
