idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
she smelled like a LAN party
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
