Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
