He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
