if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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