Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
