i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
