$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
