Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
