Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
