I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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