So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
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she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
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I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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