YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
