God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
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