I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
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