Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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