i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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