Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
