she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
