Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
