so explain again why im purple
no
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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