What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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