Your face is a jimmy john
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
