Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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