i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
