Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
