I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
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What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
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