watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?