I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
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I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
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I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men