She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
