i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
