Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
