dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
