Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
please come you make the beer taste better
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
