I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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