I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
