You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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