That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
