I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
